


The American Dream

by Sofy2801



Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-05 05:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 16,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15164087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sofy2801/pseuds/Sofy2801
Summary: December 1940: Adil did exactly what Toby asked him to do, he disappearedSeptember 1945: they meet again in New York CityAdil is living his own "American Dream", but he has to close with his past to really walk towards his future, and Toby will learn that love has mysterious and unpredictable ways to give your life a new meaning.





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SzonKlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SzonKlin/gifts).



Toby was running as fast as he could.

Since Tom told him Adil left the letter few hours before, his body was acting on his own, dragging him to Adil’s flat in Paddington, while his mind was trying to process all the possible meaning of the words Adil wrote in the letter.

It was a goodbye, there could be no doubts about it. Toby just hoped it wasn’t the sign of a tragedy…he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Toby jumped on the steps, two a time, than knocked furiously on the door, calling Adil’s name.

No answer.

He placed a hand on the handle and, to his surprise, the door was open.

He got inside, the bedside lamp was on, spreading a soft light around. The bed was untouched, no dishes on the table, no trace of a recent human presence.

Toby opened the wardrobe, it was empty. He took another look around, trying to find something, anything that could help him to understand what happened…

Adil was gone, disappeared, like Toby told him to do.

He sat on the bed.

He would ask the householder if he left an address to contact him, he would go and find his family, there should be their contacts in the staff folder at the hotel. He would search for him…

But right now, the only thing he felt to do was crying.


	2. Strawberries and smiles

New York City – May, 1942

It’s a busy night at the club. Despite the war that involves them directly, Americans, and New York upper class in particular, haven’t lost their will to have fun.

Of course, men’s conversations are mostly about how the war could go on and on how they could get more money thanks to it, but rumors and social events are keeping the atmosphere not too heavy.

May is a month full of events, weddings, exhibitions, charity auctions, and the club is a place where upper class people like to meet to talk about all of this.

Adil has come to like Americans a lot. It hadn’t been simple at the beginning, being just one of the thousand immigrants coming from Europe escaping the war and trying to build a new life. But he’d been lucky, for once in his life, and met the right people who helped him. 

And now, after almost a year and half of going from a workplace to another, from a neighbour to another, he’s the head bartender in one of the most exclusive club in Manhattan, and some of the cocktails he created had become a “must” not just in the club’s menu, but also during private parties.

Adil is very proud of himself. He has worked a lot to have this, never complaining, always being polite and respectful but with his innate irony that people like a lot about him. And now, he can say that he took the right decision leaving London in December 1940: he’s doing the job that he’s always liked, the pay is good enough to let him have his own small flat in a more than respectable area, pay for all his bills and also save something for the future. He gets along very well with his colleagues, most of them coming from everywhere inside and outside the US, he can also say to have some real friends amongst them. The club owner, Mr. Bradshow, respects him and trusts him enough to let him manage the lounge when he’s not there. 

But during nights like this, when the band is playing songs he usually heard from Betsey back at The Halcyon, a part of his heart aches and a shadow of sadness crosses his eyes. He still isn’t able to keep the memory of his past away. A part of him has remained in London, in Toby Hamilton’s room, and he misses it sometimes…

He closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath.

When he opens them, he spots a man watching at him intently.

Adil feels himself blushing. It wasn’t the first time he was receiving “that” kind of attention from a man, but this look is different, it feels somehow familiar…the man is studying Adil, like Toby Hamilton did so many times before they got together.

Adil has seen him several times in the club, he seems to be an old friend of Mr. Bradshow, but he never focused his attention on him. The man should be in his mid forties and he was very attractive, Adil has to admit: a perfectly fit body in a very elegant dress, a magnetic look.

Adil realises he’s staring a little too much at the man, and turns his attention to one of the waiters passing him an order. He tries to keep himself busy with the cocktails he has to prepare, but the feeling of being watched and the curiosity of seeing if he was right, make him take some furtive looks to the man.

He isn’t wrong, the man is always looking at him, even now that he calls a waiter to place an order, and he keeps staring when the waiter reaches the bar, as to see Adil’s reaction.

“Mr. Graham wants something new, he asked for a cocktail with…strawberry? Is that even possible?”

The waiter seems to have some doubts about this, but Adil, after a moment of surprise, smiles. So, you’re challenging me, Mr. Graham?

“It’s possible, just give a minute and you’ll be able to bring Mr. Graham what he wants”

Adil disappeared for a minute in the kitchen to catch the strawberries, than started to work on his brand new cocktail. He was so focused on it, that he didn’t notice the smile on Stephen Graham’s face.

“There you go, you can bring it to him”

Adil’s eyes follow the waiter and he waits for Mr. Graham’s reaction. He brings the glass to his lips, and that gesture sends a shiver down Adil’s spine, he instinctively bites lower lip and holds his breath. The man closes his eyes, savouring the taste of the cocktail and then smiles at Adil, lifting up the glass. He likes it, and Adil can relax and smile back.

The night goes on like this, with the two men exchanging looks, until Mr. Graham leaves his friends and reaches the bar.

“Thank you for the cocktail, Mr. Joshi”

“You know my name?” the question slips out before Adil can stop it…that is a very inappropriate way to address him, but Mr. Graham doesn’t seem to mind.

“Everyone in Manhattan knows about Adil Joshi and his famous cocktails. Now I can proudly go to parties and say I’m the one who inspired his latest…”

It’s easy to think that the man was joking and making fun of Adil, but it’s far from the truth, and Adil can see in Mr. Graham’s eyes that he is serious. Adil is flattered, confused, he doesn’t know how to react because he’s absolutely unprepared to the mix of feelings and emotions he’s proving right now…he can only feel his heart beating faster, drumming in his chest, and he knows that he probably look ridiculous. He has to find the right words to say not to look a complete idiot to Stephen Graham’s eyes.

“Thank you Mr. Graham, I’m really glad you enjoyed the drink. Your request was quite unusual, but I did my best to make to right mix”

“And you made it! I was wondering how would you name the cocktail?”

Adil smiled a little embarrassed.

“I’m not the one who invents the names…I create the cocktails, and then one of our customer, who works for an advertising company, thinks of a name for them. We started it as a game, now it’s a sort of professional partnership”

“Well, next time I’ll come, you’ll tell me, ok?”

“Of course, Mr. Graham”

“Goodnight Adil”

Stephen smiles warmly.

“Goodnight, sir” Adil smiles back.

That night, for the first time in years, Toby Hamilton wasn’t the last person on Adil’s mind, before falling asleep.


	3. New feelings, old fears

Stephen Graham went to the Club as often as he could. Sometimes he was with other men who have elected the club as their after dinner meeting point, sometimes he was alone, and he seated by the bar, talking with Adil between one cocktail and the other.

In addition to what Adil already knew about him, being one of the richest men in the country, he got to know something more about the man, not just the businessman and philanthropist. He was 42, he loved the sea and he owned a boat with which he competes in several regatta during the summer season, he also loves French impressionist painters, reading, walking alone in the countryside to think and enjoy the silence around him.

He looked like a simple and genuine person who considers his prosperity a way to live and pursuit his interests, and, when possible, to help people to live better and follow their dreams, instead of something to exhibit to appear in the newspaper every day.

Adil found out that it was very easy to talk with him about everything, that he was an interested listener, and he started to enjoy his company a lot. Actually, he had to admit that when he couldn’t come to the Club, Adil was somehow disappointed…

When Stephen disappeared for a whole week, Adil started to worry: could he be sick? Did he say something the other man hadn’t appreciated? 

He was upside down, he’d never thought his absence would effect him that much…when he left London, he swore he would let himself to get attached to someone out of his league again. The experience with Toby Hamilton had been devastating for Adil, he was too much in love, too fool to see things clearly. Toby was risking too much, he put him in danger, acting impulsively and selfishly, and things ended in the worst possible way.

He suffered, God knows he suffered at Toby’s words. When he told him he was disgusted by what they did, when he asked him to disappear…his hearth broke into thousand pieces. He cried all the tears he could cry that afternoon, then a sense of peace spreaded through him and he decided to do exactly what Toby asked: he disappeared.

Sometimes, the loneliness and the weight of the past were flattening him like a millstone. 

He didn’t think that one day, he would meet someone able to awake his heart to feelings he thought were reserved only to Toby Hamilton.

And he was scared.

So when Stephen appeared in the Club, with a beautiful woman on his side, Adil’s reaction left him astonished: he was furious, crazily jealous.

He didn’t respond to Mr. Graham’s smile, he refused to prepare their cocktails, leaving it to another barman, and he avoided to look at him all night long, even if he knew Stephen was looking at him.

That night, some tears fell on his face. He chose the wrong one again…would he ever be able to find someone to love and be happy with?

The next night, Stephen entered the Club alone, and went straight to the bar, a hard look in his grey-blue eyes.

“You avoided me yesterday”

“Good evening Mr. Graham, where’s your partner tonight?”

“My partner?”

Adil was about to reply when Mr. Bradshow appeared and took a seat right next to Mr. Graham.

“So Steve, how was your trip to L.A. last week? I wasn’t there yesterday, but I’ve been told you brought a hot brunette with you…I guess Hollywood is a perfect place to find a fianceé”

Adil was petrified, he was looking at Stephen praying that he would deny that woman was her fianceé.

“Well, Tony, I have to say that Hollywood isn’t the place for me, in the end, I’m not really interested in investing there. And the brunette you were talking about, was just an actress the production house asked to accompany to New York for a radio show. She’s probably on a train to Miami now, I guess…”

He was looking into Adil’s eyes at saying these words. He wanted him to see that that woman was meaningless to him.

“I’m starting to think that your standards are too high, Steve, you’ll never find a woman! As per to Hollywood, I told it wasn’t the right environment for you, it may be a money factory, but there are plenty of other ways for you to invest your money”

That said, Mr. Bradshow left to go meet other customers.

Adil was feeling ridiculous, he’s let his jealousy get the best of him, and now he didn’t know how to apologise to Mr. Graham without exposing himself too much. An embarrassed silence fell between them, luckily another guest came and asked Adil a drink, keeping him busy for a minute, giving him the time to think of something appropriate to say.

The guest left with “Oh, I’ve been told it was your birthday on Monday, so, happy birthday!”

Stephen looked at Adil “Your birthday?”

“Yes, sir, I’m 27 now” Adil smiled

“I missed it” Stephen seemed annoyed by this.

“It’s not a big deal, really Mr. Graham. You were on a business trip, and you didn’t know it, so…”

“I’ll fix it, I promise”

“It is not necessary, please Mr. Graham”

“Yes, yes it is. I want you to know what…”

He wasn’t able to finish the sentence, because a couple of friends reached him and brought him away from the bar.

The next morning, Adil was getting ready to leave his flat when a man delivered a pack to him.

It was from Mr. Graham, with a note in which Adil could read:

“My dear Adil, I’m so disappointed I lost your birthday…I don’t know you so well, but I think this gift can be right, at least is something useful. I hope there would be more birthdays to spend together, in the years on. Yours, sincerely. Stephen.”

Adil’s hands were shaking, but he managed to open the box and see a clock in it. It should be very expensive…

He took some deep breaths and he knew what he had to do.


	4. Dreamland

Ever since he returned the gift to Mr. Graham, Adil lived with an unusual anxiety the hours before going to the club. At first, he thought Mr. Graham could ask Mr. Bradshow to fire him, but it didn’t happen. Then he thought they would argue about it, but it didn’t happen either.  
He hoped Mr. Graham wouldn’t come to the club, that he ignored Adil, so that he could slowly get over him and try to convince himself that he took the right decision in not encouraging whatever thing there could be between them.

They were in July, most people were living the city to their summer holidays in the Hamptons, this could help…

But Stephen came, not as often as before, and never alone, but he didn’t disappear from Adil’s life. Adil couldn’t say if he was angry with him, he was pretty good in hiding his feelings, when he wanted to. The smiles he addressed to him weren’t the bright ones of the start, they were fast and forced.

It was a torture, and Adil was starting to think that maybe he was punishing himself too much for his past mistakes. Stephen Graham wasn’t like Toby Hamilton, with all his insecurities and fears.  
Nonetheless, he couldn’t dismiss the feeling of not being good enough for Mr. Graham and that something could go wrong this time too. It was a silly thought, the situation was completely different from the one he was living with Toby two and half years before.

But Adil had suffered too much, and it was all his fault, so the wall he build around his hearth wasn’t that easy to break down, even if he can’t deny that Mr. Graham had already made a breach in it.

Nothing changed until the end of July, then in August Stephen actually disappeared like almost 80% of the club usual customers. And Adil had to admit that he missed him…more than he should. And this brought him to think more often about Toby…

How was he doing? Did the situation with Mr. D’Abberville has been resolved? Did he find someone right for him?

He cut every kind of connection with his old life at The Halcyon, and the fact of not receiving news from London has helped him to heal. But sometimes his mind run free and started to think of how things could have been “if”…

He was in one of this moment, when Mr. Bradshow appeared stating he had a proposal for him that he couldn’t refuse.

“Stephen Graham wants you for a party he’s giving at his mansion in Sag Harbor this Saturday”

It wasn’t the first time that one the customers asked to “rent” Adil for a private party, also outside the city, but this time was different, because of the person who asked it…

“He required me, specifically?”

Mr. Bradshow nodded “He’ll send a car to pick you up here on Friday afternoon, and then will take you back on Sunday. You can bring your uniform, the catering company he hired has everything you may need for the cocktails”

Adil couldn’t say no, he didn’t know how to justify a denial to Mr. Bradshow. But he spent all Friday, also during the trip to the Hamptons, passing from a bad to a good mood, he didn’t know what to expect from this. He knew he wouldn’t have many opportunities to be alone with Stephen, but he was excited to be able to see him again.

He was surprised when the car left him at the main entrance of the beautiful Victorian house, where an old lady and a bellboy were waiting.

When he got out of the car, the smell of flowers mixed with the sea air made him take a deep breath. He was starting to relax, the woman was smiling warmly at him, and the boy took his small bag before he could say anything.

“Welcome to Dreamland Mansion, Mr. Joshi. I’m Anna, the governess”

“Thank you. Ms. Anna, nice to meet you”

“Mr Graham is out at the sea with his boat, he’s training for the season-end regatta, but he asked me to show you around and lead you to your room”

“That’s very kind of him but…where’s the other staff for the party?”

Ms. Anna smiled amused “I’m afraid there won’t be a party, you are the only guest here, Mr. Joshi”

Adil was speechless, and probably was looking like an idiot right now, with his mouth open for the surprise while his brain was trying to give a sense to all of this and Ms. Anna was chuckling.

He wasn’t able to say a word, so Anna showed him the library with Mr. Graham’s studio, the main salon with Mr. Graham’s piano, the dining room opening on a terrace overlooking the back garden on the sea, she gestured over the kitchen and then led him on the first floor, where the bedrooms were.

His one was on the side facing the sea, with a large bed, a corner with a sofa and a table, his own bathroom, decorated in a mix of modern and classical style that Adil immediately liked, also because everything in the room was light blue, his favourite colour.

What caught his attention were several boxes on the bed, a bunch of red roses in the middle of the table with an envelope leaned on the vase.

He felt like he was on the verge of crying…

“Mr. Graham will be back around six, if you want you can wait for him at the pier”

Adil nodded.

“Until then, if you need anything, just push the button on the side of the bed and I’ll come. Please, consider yourself at home, Mr. Joshi”

“Thank you” was all he manged to say before Ms. Anna left.


	5. You'll stay?

Adil was standing on the small wooden pier, looking at the sandy beach at the end of the garden. The mansion was beautiful even on the back side, with the terrace and the balconies of the first floor full of flowers. The only sounds were the waves on the shore and the birds in the trees.

There was a magical peace spreading out in this place, and Adil understood why Stephen chose to name it “Dreamland”, it was easy to let your mind dream in such a pleasant environment.

He’d spent the last hour opening the boxes, in which he found two casual outfits, a smoking, two pair of shoes and the most precious kurta-pajama he’d ever seen. The clock Adil returned to Mr. Graham was on the table.

When Adil read the note in the envelope, he couldn’t help but smile.

Stephen Graham hadn’t give up on him, we was determined to win his heart and show him he was absolutely serious about it. He wasn’t trying to buy him, if that was Adil’s fear…

Adil saw a small boat approaching, and a radiant Stephen smiling at him. He looked gorgeous, in his white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and his tan. He parked the boat and jumped on the pier.

They were standing one in front of the other.

“You came” Stephen wanted to be sure it wasn’t just his imagination.

“You lied”

“I was pretty sure you wouldn’t come otherwise. Would you?”

“You’ll never know…” Adil smiled, flirting with Stephen wasn’t as difficult as he thought it would be.

“You’ll stay?” 

Stephen was strangely antsy. He was usually a very self-controlled man, but his feelings for Adil, that have grown to an extent he could have never imagined in those past months, made him insecure, he wasn’t prepared for something like this to happen.

“I’ve asked Ms. Anna if you brought other men here”

Adil was suddenly very serious, and Stephen held his breath. “I did”

“I know, but she told me I’m the first one allowed to sleep in the house and not in the dependence, she stated this means that I’m special to you”

“It’s true” 

Stephen wasn’t able to say anything more, a knot was closing his stomach: it was all on Adil now.

“I want to trust you, I really want to try to make this work but you have to give me some time to get used to it, ok?”

Stephen relaxed, Adil wasn’t saying no, he didn’t want to leave, he was just asking for time, and that was perfectly fine. In the end, they didn’t know each other, except for their conversations at the club, and even in he was sure that, knowing him better, he would fall even deeper for Adil, it was absolutely fair to start a new relationship taking one step a time.

“Of course! I don’t want to force you into something unless you’re completely sure. I want you to know everything about me and spend time with you to get to know you better. We’ll see if this can work, taking all the time we need for it”

“Thank you”

Adil was feeling like crying again, but he pushed it aside immediately: he wanted to be happy, he needed it! 

Seeing Stephen looking dreamily at him, made another part of the wall fall. 

He took a step forward, and slowly raised one hand to place it gently on Stephen’s face, the man shivered at the touch. He wanted to touch Adil since the night they first talked, and now he was here, in front of him, but he didn’t know if he could dare to go further…

Adil decided for him, taking his face in his hands and pulling down to kiss his lips.

It was chaste and soft and brief, but it was enough for both of them to know that there was more than a chance that this could work.


	6. Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the last chapter for this week (I guess 3 in a day are enough...).  
> I've uploaded three chapters because I don't know when I'll be able to write next week, and the story is pretty long, with a lot of things going to happen.   
> I really want to finish it before August so I'll post more than one chapter a time.

The evening went on in a very informal and relaxed atmosphere. 

Stephen asked Adil to wear his kurta-pajama for dinner, they talked about their families, their preferred food, the history of Dreamland Mansion and everything else that crossed their minds. They made a walk in the garden after dinner, holding hands timidly and they kissed goodnight.

The next morning, Stephen would take Adil on a boat trip, on his bigger boat. He already had set the itinerary and ordered a pic-nic basket to the cook.

Adil reached him in the veranda for breakfast, then suddenly stopped dead in his track: the voice on the radio…

Stephen was listening to Joe O’Hara’s daily report on the war in Europe from London. Nothing strange, millions of Americans followed Joe on his radio show, and he too has read his articles for the New York Times. But hearing his voice after all this time, brought the past back with a strength he wasn’t prepared to.

Stephen turned his head to welcome him, but Adil blurted out a “Good morning” and went to seat without looking at him.

The man felt something was wrong, Adil was regretting to be there with him?

“What’s wrong?”

Adil shook his head “Nothing…”

Stephen was about to speak when he heard Joe’s voice saying goodbye, and he understood: he knew Adil came to the US from London, so probably hearing this radio programme was painful for him. He turned the radio off and looked at him.

“I’m sorry, I always listen to Joe O’Hara’s show to be updated on the war, but I can imagine it can be painful for you…”

Adil was surprised on how sensitive Stephen was, and that made him realise that he should tell him the truth about the reason why he left London in December 1940. It may mean the end for them, it was very probable that Stephen would find him disgusting for his betrayal, but they can’t start something with such a big secret on Adil’s past. It wasn’t right, and Adil wanted to do everything right this time.

“It’s not this…it’s just that…I know him, Joe O’Hara. He was one of the guests of The Halcyon, the hotel where I worked as head bartender when I left”

“Oh, really? That’s a coincidence! And how is he in person? I would be very curious to meet him. I have to admit that he always capture my attention in the show”

“He’s a very good person, even if he acts like the bad guy. I got along very well with him. Stephen, I have to tell you something very important, and you have to promise that you’ll listen until I finish without interrupting me, ok?”

Adil was so serious, that Stephen could do nothing but agree and prepare himself for what he was sure could change the things between them forever.

“It’s so difficult…but I have to take this off of my chest, then you’ll decide whether you still want me or not”

Stephen opened his mouth to speak, but he closed it immediately. Adil didn’t want to be interrupted, and he would respect him.

“The hotel was owned by the Hamilton family. The former Lord Hamilton died unexpectedly in May 1940, his elder son inherited the title, but he serves in the Royal Air Force, so he was almost never at the hotel. But his twin, Toby, left his studies in Oxford to stay at The Halcyon”

He stopped for a minute, remembering how happy he was the day Mr. Garland told the staff that the younger Hamilton brother was going to live at the hotel.

“I was in love with him for almost a year…and now I had the possibility to have him closer and get to know him better. He was the first one for whom I felt something so strong and the power of my feelings for him made me lose control on the situation. I should have known that things couldn’t end well…”

He stopped again, overwhelmed by the memories of the moments spent in trying to understand if Toby was like him, and the days they were together: the first kiss in the wine cellar, Toby telling him that with that kiss he finally made sense, them making love the first time and then…

“We were usually very careful, we met in Toby’s room. But one day, a man saw us. He persuaded Toby that he wouldn’t do anything against us, he was trying to seduce Lady Hamilton, so I believed it too…but…some days after, he came to me, threating to deport my family, to put me in jail and expose Toby to a public scandal unless I stole some documents from him. Toby was working at the War Office, and this man was working with the Germans”

Adil found the strength to look at Stephen, he wasn’t moving a muscle, his body tensing and a very concerned look in his eyes.

“Toby would have never survived it, and I couldn’t risk to damage him or my family for something I was responsible for. So I took my decision, and became a traitor: I stole the documents for him”

Tears were appearing in Adil’s eyes, the worst part was coming.

“I thought he would stop, but he continued to ask me to steal, and one day the MI5 came and took Toby because they had evidences that someone from his office was passing secret information to the enemy. And he understood that it was me. When he asked it, I couldn’t deny it”

He closed his eyes, and the image of Toby telling him that he was disgusted appeared clearly in front of him. All the pain he hardly pushed aside these years came back, crashing him down, and tears were now flowing down his eyes like waterfalls.

“I went to him to tell him that I’d go to the police to confess I was the stealer, to clear him. But he asked me to disappear, that there would never be a place for me in his life because he was disgusted by what we did. I was devastated, completely heartbroken. I left, and when I got home I even thought about ending my life…”

Tears were slowly drying and he was feeling lighter. He looked at Stephen, who hasn’t changed his concerned expression.

“I decided to do what Toby asked me: I disappeared that same evening. I bought a ticket to the first ship leaving to New York, and here I am now”

Adil finished his talk and waited.

Stephen would have never imagined something like this.

“I don’t know what to say” he closed his eyes shaking his head “I really don’t know what to say”

Adil took it as a bad sign. “Alright…” he stood up and was about to leave when Stephen reached him and made him turn to hug him tight.

Adil wasn’t expecting it and he melted in his embrace.

“Thank you, for being honest with me. It shouldn’t be easy for you to tell me this”

Adil shook his head no, holding Stephen firmly.

“It doesn’t change a thing for me”

Adil lifted his head to look at him, surprised: could it really be that for Stephen it didn’t matter that he was a traitor? Was he really that lucky?

“You made a mistake, thinking to do the right thing, and you were willing to pay for it. I’m sure it hadn’t been easy for you, and I’m sorry you had to go through something like this all alone”

“You still want me?”

“Of course I want you! It’s not easy to find a man able to share such a secret, honesty is rare and that’s why it’s so precious. I’m so happy you have trusted me enough to be completely honest about your past”

“You make me feel so good, Stephen. I never thought I could be that happy again and I felt like it wasn’t fair to start a relationship without telling you the truth”

“Thank you, Adil”

He didn’t reply, he was still dazed by what happened.

“Now, let’s finish breakfast and start our day!” Stephen was smiling brightly and Adil let himself get taken away by his happiness.


	7. What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the turning point...

New York City – September, 1945

Adil woke up with the sound of the rain tapping on the window, there was a dim light in the room, because of the dark clouds in the sky.

He had a strange sensation, like something important was going to happen that day…but not in a good way.   
He shouldn’t think anything negative, today was his and Stephen’s third anniversary, and for sure his companion has planned something special for them.

Adil remembered that day of the end of September 1942 like it was yesterday: it was the day they made love for the first time, Stephen told him he loved him and asked Adil to go live with him. 

He was so happy, from that day on, his life took a complete different path, and everything went even better than in his dreams.

There was just one thing that disappointed him: even if he was absolutely sure he was in love with Stephen, he wasn’t able to tell him “I love you”.

The two times he said those words to Toby Hamilton, the only man he’s loved before Stephen, Adil had been rejected, Toby not trusting they were true. This wound was still open, despite Adil’s attempts to completely leave the past aside, and the words didn’t come out of his mouth, even if he wanted Stephen to know that he loved him too.

He was sure this was making him suffer, but Stephen was so strong, he was Adil’s rock and even if he was hurt by this, he never let it show. The way Stephen always takes care of him makes Adil’s heart fill with love and gratefulness and a limitless admiration.

It was a complete different kind of love from the one he felt for Toby.. 

Adil hadn’t bought a gift for Stephen, he was wishing he could give him the only thing his lover wanted: Adil finally saying “I love you”.

****************

Joe O’Hara entered the lounge and his eyes scanned the room to see if the man he was searching for was there: the man at the entrance told him Mr. Joshi was in, so probably he just had to wait.

He seated by the bar, placing his order to a boy that reminded him of Adil, when he was working at The Halcyon. Joe couldn’t help but smile at the memory: so many things have happen, horrible things actually, but his first months in London at the beginning of the war had been one of the most pleasant of his life.

Suddenly, the back door behind the bar opened, and Adil came out, stopping immediately, the look of someone who’s seen a ghost, completely paralysed for the shock.  
After the first minute of studying him, Joe smiled and addressed to him in his usual friendly way.

“Hey man! Look at you! Seems like you made it!”

“Mr. O’Hara…”

Adil was embarrassed because people around them were looking curiously, but when he sent a reproaching look at waiters and bartenders, they got back to their work and he approached Joe, trying to appear as relaxed as possible.

“There’s no need to be this formal, Adil. I’m not one of the customer you have to serve and you’re no more the barman”

“It’s quite strange Mr…Joe. You don’t seem surprised to find me here…” 

“Believe it or not, I was walking a couple of days ago when I lifted my eyes and read “The Halcyon – Restaurant and lounge”. I thought I needed an eye doctor...so I decided to ask around and what I discovered? That the barman of the hotel where I lived in London in 1940, casually named “The Halcyon” was the owner and manager of this new Halcyon that seems to be the best restaurant and lounge bar in town”

“I’m not so presumptuous to think that we’re the best place in town, and I’m not the owner, just the manager. But yes, that’s more or less the truth”

“Well, Adil. That was a hell of a surprise! What can I say, congratulations?”

“Thank you, Joe. When did you get back to New York?”

“I came back in August. I had enough of destroyed cities, dead soldiers, kids and old men with no food…the war was over, I had no reasons to stay in Europe”

Joe closed his eyes for a while, the images of all the horrible things he’d seen following the Allied after the D-Day will remain impressed in his mind for a long time. He still couldn’t understand how people could do something so senseless and cruel to other people.

Adil was feeling guilty, when people he knew in Europe were suffering from the war, he was living his comfortable life in New York…

“Do you have news from the staff of The Halcyon? How’s everyone?”

He kept the question general, but of course his mind was thinking of a person in particular. 

“Well, when I got back there in May, they were all doing fine…the night you disappeared, during the 50th Anniversary party, a bomb dropped on the hotel”

Joe stopped for a second, Adil was terrified. What?

“Some members of the staff and some guests died, the lounge and the first two floors above it were seriously damaged”

Adil was shaking…he was trying to process what Joe had just said: a bomb, on the hotel…people killed…he mentioned the staff and the guests, not the Hamilton family…he needed to know.

“And the Hamilton?” he held his breath.

“They’re all fine, none of them had been injured. That man, Lady Hamilton’s fiancé, D’Abberville if I remembered well, he had been killed. Toby wasn’t even there”

Joe said it on purpose, to see Adil’s reaction. 

The day after the bomb, when he met Toby, the younger Hamilton brother told him everything: their secret relationship, D’Abberville finding out, his threat to Adil, the stolen documents, their last conversation, Adil’s goodbye letter, Toby running to him and finding the flat empty.  
Joe helped Toby to try and find Adil, they also went to Bristol, where his family lived, they talked with his sister, but the seemed to have disappeared. Then Joe tried to help Toby to get over it, he was becoming more and more pensive, solitary and Joe was worried he would fall ill. Time after time, he was getting better, and Joe left for France.   
When he came back to London at the end of the war, Toby was down again, and Joe knew there was only one thing he could do to try to make him be happy again…

“He was in you flat, he run to you because he thought you were going to kill yourself”

“What? Oh no…”

“You protected him, somehow…he could have been killed by bomb. But he was devastated…he told me everything”

Now Adil was feeling like the whole world was collapsing on him. Tears were ready to fall form his eyes, for the first time in years and he didn’t know what to say. Toby run to him after reading his letter…why? Why does he have to know it now?

“I’m not judging you, Adil. I don’t think any bad of you, I could never. When I heard you were running this place, I thought I should come here to see you. You have suffered, both, but three years have passed, and I guess it’s time for you to bury the past, if you want…”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Toby is here in New York”


	8. Move to the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short break to clear things between Adil and Stephen before the meeting with Toby...

The night Stephen had planned for their anniversary had been a disaster. They left the Opera at the end of the first act, Adil stating he wasn’t feeling well.

And now they were home, Stephen seated on the bed, waiting for Adil to come out of the bathroom where he was closed to cry, for more than half an hour.

Stephen was sure it all had to do with Joe O’Hara. When he reached The Halcyon to pick up Adil and bring him to the Opera, his man was talking with a stranger, that he then introduced as the famous Mr. O’Hara. From the look in Adil’s eyes, he immediately understood they have talked about his past, and probably about Toby Hamilton.

He has always tried not to be jealous about him. He was a closed chapter of Adil’s life, they’re living together, they’re happy, he had no reason not to trust Adil when he says that. Still, he couldn’t ignore that what happened with Toby Hamilton, was probably still affecting him…

Adil came out of the bathroom, his eyes red, his messy hair falling on his forehead, wearing just his shirt and his trousers. Stephen couldn’t stop himself to think he was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen, he seemed an angel coming down from heaven.

He was still fully dressed in his smoking, and he suddenly felt ridiculous.

Adil went closer to him, took his face in hands and bent down to kiss him. It was a desperate kiss, he’d never kissed him like this and Stephen was scared this could mean something bad for them…

When he broke the kiss, he asked Stephen to seat with him on the sofa by the fireplace. It wasn’t lighted now, but that was his favourite corner of their bedroom, they’ve had endless conversations on it, made love for hours, joked and planned the future. It was the right place to talk about what happened and what Adil was going to do.

They were seated facing each other, Adil holding Stephen’s hands firmly, a determined light in his eyes.

“Toby Hamilton is in town”

Ok, Stephen had imagined something like this, but hearing it directly from Adil’s voice made him tense in a way he wasn’t prepared to.

“Joe O’Hara says that we should meet and talk about what happened, because, apparently, he’s sure that Toby loved me”

“And you?”

Stephen didn’t want to ask it so directly, but they’ve started their relationship swearing to be completely honest with the other, and they’ve always been true to this vow. He has to know, even if he’s not prepared to lose Adil: he couldn’t imagine his life without the happiness this beautiful man has brought in it.

“I’ve been thinking about this since Joe told me Toby is here…and I have to beg your pardon because I’ve been awful with you the whole evening…but this has cause a turmoil of emotions I didn’t know how to face”

Stephen tried to lighten the tension between them, with a soft smile “Don’t worry”

“I want to meet him”

Stephen nodded, but he felt like he was breaking down, piece by piece.

“I want to know if what Joe said is true, I have to talk with Toby. We have to close with our past with no regrets, no unspoken words, otherwise I won’t be truly free to go on with my life”

“Of course, you have to do what you feel is right…I’ll wait for the verdict and I will accept every choice you’ll make, as long as it makes you happy”

For the first time since he was child, tears were about to fall from Stephen Graham’s eyes: his love for Adil was too strong but he couldn’t keep him tied if he wasn’t happy.  
“Oh, Stephen…I have no choices to make, I made mine three years ago!”

Adil smiled, he could finally say it…”I love you”

Stephen was sure he didn’t hear well…after all this time longing for Adil to say it, he couldn’t believe it. But after three years, he could say he knew his lover well enough to know when he was serious and Adil was undoubtedly serious right now.

“I love you and I’m feeling so sorry for not having been able to say it before. When I told it to Toby, he didn’t trust me, and somehow this has blocked me from telling you that I’m in love with you since three years”

Tears started to fall from Stephen’s eyes, even if he was laughing, holding Adil tight.

“God, I was so scared to have to let you go…I love you”

“I won’t go anywhere, my place is right here with you, forever”

They made love all night long, with and intensity they never experimented before. Adil said “I love you" so many times he lost the count, and Stephen knew that, whatever may happen, this will remain in his memory as the best night of his life.

**********

The next night, Adil told Joe that he was ready to meet Toby on Friday morning, before the restaurant opening for lunch, when he was sure they would have been alone in the lounge.

**********

That morning, he wasn’t anxious or scared as he thought he would be. He knew he had to do it, he owed it to Toby, to Stephen and to himself: it was time to face the past and move to future.


	9. Five years it's a long time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to split the meeting chapter in two.  
> It has been so difficult to write it...

Toby was standing in the corridor that divided the restaurant from the lounge bar. The watchman at the entrance told him that Mr. Joshi was waiting for him in the lounge, the second door on the left.

He couldn’t convince himself to open the door, while the man was eyeing him suspiciously.

When Joe asked him to come to the US with him, he was pretty sceptical this could help him to move on, but in the end, he was happy he decided to come. It was just a week, he had to wait for Freddie and Emma’s wedding before reaching New York, but he’s already feeling that this break could be healthy for him.

That was, until Joe told him he found Adil.

At first, he didn’t want to see him. But Joe persuaded him that they needed to talk. This was a chance he couldn’t waste. 

Toby doubted he was able to handle it. He had never been good with words and feelings, and with Adil it was even worse: because of the way they broke up, because of the love Toby was still feeling for him. But he also knew that Joe was right, he’d been given the opportunity to clear things with Adil. That’s what he wanted to do when he’d spent months searching for him, right? So now, he could do it…he just didn’t know from where to start.

When he finally opened the door, a familiar atmosphere brought him back to London, in The Halcyon lounge, where a younger Toby spent his nights eyeing the beautiful bartender, without knowing that this would have changed his life forever.

Adil was standing behind the bar.

To say he was gorgeous was an understatement. Older and wiser, he was emanating a charm almost impossible to resist…Toby knew he should look horrible, compared to Adil’s beauty. He was thinner, pale, and the sadness that possessed him since Adil left, was surely clouding his look. 

Toby wanted to move or say something, but his body wasn’t answering. 

“Hello, Toby”

Adil’s voice was just above a whisper, but he heard it. 

“You’re fine” that’s all Toby could say. His greatest fear, reading Adil’s goodbye letter, was that he could be dead, and that fear has never left him. He was relieved Adil was safe and sound, but he suddenly realized how stupid that sentence sounded to him. ”I mean, I thought you were...you…you disappeared”

“That’s what you told me to do”

It slipped out harsher than he wanted to. Adil had never blamed Toby for what he said, but his words still hurt.

“I didn’t mean it…Adil, I didn’t mean a single word of what I told you. I was angry, frustrated, I couldn’t see a way out of that bloody situation and I addressed all my rage towards you. But I didn’t mean it”

Toby’s voice was trembling, tears ready to fall. Adil shook his head.

“You did Toby. When you said you were disgusted and that you wanted me to disappear, you meant it. I saw it in your eyes…”

God, how hard it was, even after five years, relive that moment in his mind?

“No, no! I swear…”

Adil raised a hand to stop him. Toby waited. 

Adil was strangely calm, there was no anger in what he said, he was almost smiling tenderly to Toby.

“Toby, it’s fine. You had all the reasons to be angry, I betrayed you. And even if your words broke me, I knew I deserved it”

“I’m sorry, so so sorry. I’ve searched for you, for months, to tell you I’m sorry. I felt so lost…you have no idea of how much I wanted to apologise”

“Apologies can’t change what happen, Toby. We both made mistakes, mine were worse of course, and there’s nothing we can do about it”

“It seems like you don’t care anymore…”

“Five years it's a long time”

So that was? He waited five years to tell Adil he was sorry just to be dismissed with “it’s a long time”? Does it really have to end like this? Adil seemed to have moved on, it looked like there were no more possibilities for them to start again.

Toby should have known it for good. After everything he said, the way he treated Adil like rubbish, how could he wish for a second chance? All his worst previsions about their meeting were becoming true.

He felt the need to seat down, fearing to collapse at any moment. He didn’t want to make such a show, he probably looked pathetic to Adil, crying like a baby seeking his mother’s attention. He was holding his head in his hands when something appeared in his mind, something that may change it all, something he never had the courage to say.

He raised his face and looked straight into Adil’s eyes.

“I love you”

Adil would have killed to hear those words from Toby, five years before.

Why does he have to say it now? Now that he had turned the page, left the memories of his past aside to finally live the life he’s always wanted, with a man who’s giving him all he needs and even more?

Life puts you to the test when you’re not expecting it. Adil has passed a lot of trials, but this one is the hardest.   
He was feeling guilty because, in the end, it was all his fault: he was the one who kissed Toby first, starting something he knew, deep inside, would have led them to a disaster. He’s the one who lied, who betrayed and the one who quit. 

He still had to pay his bill for this, but the last thing he wanted was breaking Toby’s heart.

Adil moved closer, kneeled in front of Toby and took his hands in his own. 

“I love you too”


	10. Feeling home

The world stopped turning. All the memories of the past appeared in the two men’s eyes, all the feelings, all the stolen glances, the furtive touches, the kisses, the times they made love, the talks. And then the hate, the sense of lost, the arguments, the bad words, the end…

None of them could stop the dam from breaking down and crushing them.

They kissed, so intensely that it was almost aching. Toby put all he had in this kiss, letting the seed of hope bloom in his heart. Maybe it wasn’t too late, maybe they still had a chance.

Suddenly, Adil stopped the kiss and jumped away from Toby, covering his mouth with his hands.

“What I just did?” 

Toby stood to reach him, but Adil took a step back. 

“I can’t do this, Toby”

His heart was drumming so fast, that he couldn’t breath normally…he was shaking his head, repeating both to Toby and himself that he couldn’t do it.

Adil was panicking. And Toby didn’t know what to do. It was clear that the kiss has been a mistake, from Adil’s side, but he couldn’t understand why. He said he loved him too, right? 

“Adil…”

The man closed his eyes, taking some deep breath…it reminded him of when he was the one helping Toby to calm during his panic attacks. Now he was the one who needed help, but Toby wasn’t moving.  
After a minute, he was feeling better. It was time for Toby to know.

“I have someone in my life. We are together since three years”

“You’ve said you love me…”

“I do. I love you and I forever will, but I’m no more in love with you”

“I don’t understand” Adil’s words made no sense for Toby.

“Toby, you’ve been the first man I ever loved, you’ll always be an important part of my life, and a piece of me will live in your heart forever. But when I left London, I made a choice that I can’t deny now”

“But you’re denying me, and what there’s between us”

“There’s nothing between us now, Toby. There was, and it has been the most emotional and intense period of my life, but it’s over. I’m not denying you, I told that I love you, because it’s true, but Stephen is my life now, and I can’t lose him to follow a dream”

“I’m here, I’m not a dream”

“Toby…” Adil didn’t know how to make Toby understand. It wasn’t easy, it took him a lot of time to realise that his love for Toby will remain unchangeable but that the chance he had been given, to be happy and love again, with Stephen was a gift he shouldn’t throw away. 

“No, no! I don’t accept this. God, Adil…after five years…you can’t tell me that you love and then dismiss me stating you are with someone else and I’m just a dream!”

Tears have started to fall again from Toby’s eyes. He was angry with himself for letting his emotions having the best on him, angry with Adil who was, to his eyes, playing with his feelings, angry with the whole world that has condemned their love since the beginning, He could have exploded for all the anger he was feelings right now…and when he finished to curse against everyone and everything, an unexpected peace found its way inside his heart.

Adil had listened to his invectives without saying a word, letting him vent. And now was waiting for him to say something.

“That’s the end” it wasn’t a question, but Toby was looking at Adil like he was waiting for an answer.

Adil smiled tenderly at his former lover.

“It’s the beginning of something else, if you want to”

“Can I hug you for the last time?”

Adil almost jumped on him, holding Toby with all the strength he was capable of. And Toby let himself melt in that embrace, savouring every second of what he was sure would have been the last physical contact he would have with Adil.

“It’s not the last time, Toby. Don’t you dare thinking to stay here in New York without seeing me again”

“Like friends?”

“I don’t think we’ll ever be able to be friends. But you can come to me every time you feel the need to talk, or just to drink your favourite cocktail, or eat your favourite dish. Every time you’ll need to feel home, I’ll be there for you”

Home…that’s exactly how he’s always felt when he was with Adil. At home. He didn’t know if this would ever work, but he would try.

They left with the promise to meet again soon, their hearts lighter than before. 

When Toby walked out in the sun light, he closed in eyes and enjoyed the warmth radiating through his body: Adil was right, this could be the beginning of something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...when the tears will dry, something beautiful is going to happen...


	11. Thank you, Mr. Hamilton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can call it "love at first sight"  
> :D

The walk back to the hotel had been a rollercoaster of emotions for Toby, going from and endless pain to a little hope, from tears for the loss of the man he loved to a smile thinking at the words Adil said. Maybe he was right, this could be the beginning of a new part of his life.

He was so deep in his thoughts, that he got scared when he heard a man shouting and the sound of something metal hitting the corridor wall.

He didn’t realised it immediately, but there was a man seated on the ground, covering half of his face with a hand.

When the room door slammed closed, Toby jumped. 

He kneeled in front of the man who was clearly in shock. He was one of the hotel waiters, as his uniform suggested, the same age as Toby, or maybe younger, he couldn’t tell. 

“Are you ok?” Toby asked, helping the man to stand up.

“Yes Sir, thank you”

But he wasn’t. When he took off his hand from his face, Toby saw a cut just above his eyebrow. It was bleeding, and the man wasn’t really steady on his feet, he probably hit his head on the wall before the tray hit him.

Toby was wondering what could have happened, but his first thought was helping the man, he surely wasn’t able to go anywhere right now.

“I don’t think, so. My room is just around the corner, come in, I’ll medicate you”

“It’s not necessary, Sir, really. I just need a minute but I’m fine”

“Absolutely not! You can’t go downstairs in this state”

Toby was determined, and the man hesitated: it was totally against the rules to accept his help. But he was right, he wasn’t’ in the condition of going back to work.

“Ok”

Toby smiled, and helped him to reach his room. He made the man seat of the edge of the bed and took his first-aid kit. One of the things the war taught him was to never go out without something useful in case of emergency, and having helped Emma with her work as a volunteer, he also knew how to deal with those kind of things.

“What happened there?” 

“Oh…I…made a wrong room service…” the man wasn’t looking at him, and Toby concentrated on the wound.

“Well, that man needs to see a doctor if he reacts like this for something so stupid!” 

“It’s not a big deal…”

“There you go, finished”

Toby was feeling extremely proud of himself and after placing a band on the wound, he smiled satisfied.

But then…he looked in the man’s eyes, for the first time, and something happened.

He took a step back, as to put some distance between the stranger and him, but the truth was that he wanted to see him better: he was beautiful, now that the terrified look and the fear have disappeared from his face. His eyes were studying Toby while his lips were finally curving in a small smile…Toby indulged a little bit too much on those perfectly soft lips…

“Thank you Sir”

Toby emerged from his trance, and realised he didn’t know the name of the man. He automatically extended him his hand to introduce himself “I’m Toby, Toby Hamilton”.

“Well then, thank you Mr. Hamilton. I’m Andrew Sheldon” he took Toby’s hand to shake it and that was enough.

The spark was so strong that neither of them was prepared to it or could deny it happened. 

Toby was paralyzed. What the hell?

“I really should go now” Andrew said retiring his hand. But when he stood, his head was dizzy and he was about to fall when Toby caught him.

And again, the same electric vibe as before spread throughout their bodies. This time was even worse, because they were dangerously close…

“Are you sure you can walk?” Toby managed to ask. He suddenly felt the need to make Andrew stay there, with him.

“Yes, yes. I’m fine, Mr. Hamilton”

Toby reluctantly let him go.

Before going out of the door, Andrew turned to him. “You have been really kind, Mr. Hamilton. Please, let me know if there’s something I can do for you”

“Of course”

“Goodbye, Mr. Hamilton”

“Goodbye”

Toby collapsed on the bed as soon as Andrew closed the door behind him, a huge smile spreading on his face: he wanted to scream, to jump, to dance, to sing…he was crazily happy. 

What seemed the worst day of his life has turned out into something beautiful: when the less he was expecting it, he met someone able to wake him up from five years of loneliness.


	12. I followed you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll go on with short chapters, even if this will make the story longer...I like it more this way.  
> I guess other two or three to see how Toby and Andrew's story starts, then probably another couple to see the developments during the years, and then the epilogue.  
> I'm pretty sure it will all be done by next week.

Toby didn’t manage to see Andrew again during Friday, but that didn’t prevent him to dream about the beautiful man and wake up with a smile on Saturday morning.

A smile that he kept on his face during breakfast, because Andrew was working in the restaurant, and the two could share looks and smirks.

Toby made a walk that morning to try not to think too much about him, it was completely senseless, he was a stranger, they’ve shared just a five minutes conversation, he couldn’t be so upside-down…

During lunch, Toby wasn’t able to pay any attention to what Joe and his two colleagues were talking about, he was systematically attracted by the waiter. Especially when he saw him talking with a man he supposed was the maitre. Something was wrong…the man was talking, and Andrew was keeping his head down, then he left the restaurant, disappearing from his view.

As soon as he got to excuse himself from Joe, he tried to find a way to get in touch with Andrew: he ought to know what happened.

Having spent almost all his life living at The Halcyon, he had quite an idea on where to find the way to the staff quarter, but he was immediately stopped by a waiter who saw him walking down the corridor.

“Excuse me Sir. Maybe you got lost? This is the staff area, you’re not allowed to stay here, I’m afraid”

He thought about finding an excuse, but nothing came up to his mind, so he just told the truth.

“I was searching for Andrew Sheldon, actually”

The man made a strange face, but Toby didn’t care. He could think whatever he wanted, as long as he could find Andrew.

“I saw him leaving just few minutes ago”

Toby looked around, there should be a rear door from where the staff could leave the hotel. “From where?”

The man led him to the staff exit, and Toby sighed relived, Andrew was leaning on the wall, not far from the door.

He approached him carefully, and when he was close enough, he could see silent tears falling from his eyes.

“What happened?”

Andrew jumped away from the wall, turning to Toby. His eyes widened seeing his worried expression, he wiped away the tears and tried to look as normal as possible.

“How did you get there?”

“I followed you. I saw you talking with a man in the restaurant, then you disappeared. I wanted to know if there was something wrong…and apparently there is!”

“Mr. Hamilton…you shouldn’t be here, you shouldn’t care about me”

“What happened?” of course he couldn’t tell Andrew that he was there because he’s dreamt about him all night, he might look completely insane. But he was determined to know the truth.

Andrew hesitated for a moment, it was wrong to involve Mr. Hamilton in his problems, but he’d been so kind with him yesterday, and he couldn’t deny that something happened between them when they touched. Something he’d never felt before, something that kept him awake almost all night long…

“I’ve been fired”

Toby was speechless. Than the rage took over the surprise.

“It’s because of what happened yesterday?”

Andrew just nodded.

“It’s unbelievable!”

“That’s how things work for people like me, Mr. Hamilton” 

Mr. Garland would have never fired someone for something like this…it was absolutely unfair. 

He should think of a way to help Andrew, he felt the need to take care of him, and that was something new: Toby had to admit that he’s always lived pretty selfishly, even when he helped Emma as a volunteer, he did it just to keep his mind occupied and not think too much of Adil’s absence. It had never been a real desire of helping others…

“Thank you, Mr. Hamilton, for your interest. I should go now”

Oh, no! Toby wouldn’t allow him to run away, he couldn’t stand the idea of not seeing Andrew again…and that’s when something clicked in his mind.

“Wait!”

Andrew turned to Toby, who made some steps towards him.

“I have a friend who owns a restaurant and lounge bar here. He may need someone like you, we can go there, if you want”


	13. Nice to meet you

Adil was seated at his desk, upset. 

The Halcyon would host a very important reception for a congress candidate on Wednesday, he needed extra staff for such a big event, but it seemed there weren’t enough waiters available.

He managed to put together a small group, but he still needed staff and he didn’t know where to ask.

Stephen was looking amused to his companion. He loved when Adil got upset, which was something rare, and he loved even the most when he was able to see him working as a manager. 

He’d always thought that being just a bartender wasn’t enough for someone as smart as Adil was, so he had no doubts when he got the possibility to buy the spaces where The Halcyon is now: he gifted them to Adil to make his dream come true. 

He was so proud, his man succeeded in creating something from zero, becoming one of the most exclusive places in Manhattan. It hadn’t been easy, Adil had worked a lot, spending many sleepless nights to make his ideas real, he put all his energies in it, and now he can say he made it.

His secretary, Ms. Amber, knocked on the door and came inside to announce that a certain Toby Hamilton needed to speak with Mr. Joshi. It seemed important, and he wasn’t alone, she pointed out.

“Just give me some minutes, Amber. Thank you”

The woman left.

Adil was embarrassed. After his meeting with Toby yesterday morning, he run to Stephen’s office to tell him everything, kiss included. Stephen was prepared that something like this could happen, in the end, Adil was meeting the man he’d loved for years, he couldn’t demand that he didn’t feel anything for him.

He managed to convince Adil that it wasn’t such a big deal, but Adil was feeling so guilty…and now, the two men of his life were going to meet. He wasn’t prepared for this.

“Don’t worry, honey…”

Stephen was able to read Adi’l thoughts just looking at his face, it was so annoying how much he knew him well…he rolled his eyes, trying to look relaxed.

“I don’t think you’re going to kill him, but I wasn’t expecting this to happen so soon…I mean, I wanted you two to meet, but…”

“It’s fine. He has to talk to you, so I’ll just introduce myself and leave. I promised Anna I would bring her to visit her sister, so I’ll come to pick you up after lunch, ok?”

God, what he just did to deserve such a perfect man? He loved him every day more.

“Ok” he stood up to kiss Stephen goodbye, than called Ms. Amber to let Mr. Hamilton in.

Toby opened the door and found a man standing near it, smiling warmly at him while extending his hand.

“I’m Stephen Graham, Adil’s companion” 

Oh…that was unexpected…wow, he really was charming…a little bit older than what Toby imagined…he shook his hand.

“Toby Hamilton”

“Nice to meet you, Toby. I hope we’ll have other opportunities to get to know each other”

Toby turned to look to Adil, he was holding his breath to see his reaction.

To his surprise, he immediately liked this man, no trace of jealousy, so it came out normal to reply “Of course, I hope it too”

Stephen smiled wider, and Adil relaxed.

“See you later, honey”

He waved goodbye and disappeared closing the door behind him.

Adil showed Toby to seat at his desk, and waited for him to start.

“I came here to ask you a favour”

The man was surprised, he couldn’t figure out how he could be useful to Toby.

“Do you need someone to work here as a waiter?”

That was like a gift from heaven! “Yes, yes I do actually. I was going crazy because I need extra staff for an event and I can’t find waiters”

“That’s great!” Toby was so happy “there is this man, Andrew Sheldon…he worked as a waiter in the hotel I’m staying in…”

“Worked?” Adil raised an eyebrow…something sounded strange to him…

“Yes, he’s been fired right a few hours ago…but he’s a really good guy! I met him yesterday, he’d been attacked by a man he accidentally brought the wrong room service…who can be so mean to have a man fired for such a stupid thing?”

Adil was speechless…if Toby could see himself now! 

His cheeks were blushing, his eyes shining with something Adil immediately recognised…he was defending this man like he was an old friend of his, and he met him yesterday! Well, if this wasn’t love at first sight, Adil didn’t know what else could be…

Still, the story of the wrong room service sounded too weak to him…Adil knew how it worked, he had an idea of how things really went. He couldn’t tell it to Toby though, he should talk with this Andrew before.

“Toby, I have to talk with this man and know something about his previous experiences. I can’t promise you anything before talking with him”

“Of course, it’s absolutely fine. He’s waiting outside”


	14. Tell him the truth

When the door opened, Adil couldn’t hide his surprise: Andrew Sheldon was black.

He shook his head, Toby was a lost cause, always finding ways to complicate his life!

He knew how things were for not white people in the U.S., and even if New York and the northern states were a little bit more open on this, he was perfectly aware that he’s where he is now only because of Stephen. Even if a large part of his costumers were friendly and didn’t seem to care about him being Indian, he knew the others didn’t say a word just because they don’t want to go against one of the most powerful and rich men in the country, who apparently took this Indian barman under his wing.

But for Toby and Andrew things were different. Toby was a Mr. No-one here, and Andrew just a black waiter…”DISASTER” was written in capital letters everywhere, but Toby didn’t seem to notice. 

“I’ll leave you to talk, I’m right here outside” Toby left and Andrew waited, politely, that Adil invited him to seat.

He started with the usual questions about his past experiences as a waiter, something about where he lives and his school and family background. Adil had to admit that Andrew was extremely professional, and had a very good way to express, his past experiences were enough to make him a good candidate, but he still had to fully investigate the “room service question”.

If his suspicions were true, it wouldn’t be nice, but he had to be sure: he cared too much about Toby to let him do such a big mistake as falling for that kind of man…

“Toby told me you’ve been fired” he paused, to see how Andrew would react: he got tense “It wasn’t just a room service, right?”

Andrew got on alert…he was expecting a question about the reason why he got fired so out of the blue, but he was sure the version he used with Toby would work also with Mr. Joshi. He couldn’t say if he was hostile or not, he felt like Adil was looking straight into his soul, putting it naked in front of him…how could he know that wasn’t the true?

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say, sir” he tried to look unaffected by Mr. Joshi’s insinuations, but everything about him was showing his discomfort.

Adil shook his head, he needed to get straight to the point.

“I worked as a waiter in hotels for years, Mr. Sheldon. I know exactly how things go with a certain kind of guest…I’m going to ask it clearly: did you have sex with the man Toby said attacked you?”

Andrew was about to collapse, his hands started to shake…he wanted to run away, but he couldn’t move…he didn’t dare to look into Mr. Joshi’s eyes, so he closed his and tried to find a way to tell the truth without looking too much disgusting.

It all started when he reached The Madison six months before. Then first time, he was so flattered to receive such attentions from a white man, that he thought he really was interested in him, but when the man paid him, reality hit him cruelly: he was just an object, a body to use to receive some pleasure…

He cried, he felt dirty.

That same man wanted to see him all the other three nights he spent at The Madison, and Andrew was too scared he would do something against him if he refused, so he went on.

It happened with other three guests, until the last man. They had sex the night before, and he’d been really kind. But when Andrew received the room service order, he misunderstood the meaning: he thought the man wanted him again, but he didn’t and he took very bad Andrew’s approach, he literally threw him outside the room, making him hit the wall, before throwing him a tray.

And that’s when Toby Hamilton found him.

Adil listened without saying a world. He couldn’t say something against him, because what happened to Andrew, was exactly what happened to him when he arrived in New York. It had been a real trauma, being paid like a whore, being used and thrown away…luckily, he’d been strong enough to deny any further attention of that kind and quit that job.

“I perfectly know how you feel, and I don’t blame you. This doesn’t have anything to do with me hiring you here, but it has a lot to do with you and Toby”

“What?”

Andrew finally raised his eyes, red for the tears, and saw Adil smiling understandingly at him.

“I know Toby Hamilton well enough to say that he likes you, a lot”

Even with his dark skin, it was easy for Adil to see Andrew blushing. So there was some kind of interest even on his side…that was a good start.

“I don’t know if this is mutual, and I don’t want to get mixed up in this, but let me give you an advice: if you want to start whatever kind of relationship with Toby, be honest with him. Tell him the truth, don’t start with a lie, he wouldn’t handle it…”

He knew it well, but it wasn’t his task to tell his and Toby’s story to Andrew.

“I don’t think he’ll be able to understand…I’m afraid I’ll repulse him…I sold my body for money”

“Oh no! Those men paid to have your body, you didn’t sell it!”

“Do you think he will see the difference? I’m the first one to be disgusted by myself, I can’t see how he couldn’t be”

“Trust me, a lie is ten thousand worst for him. Anyway, it’s up to you. Come here on Monday morning at 10.30, we’ll give you a uniform and show you around, then you’ll have some shifts both in the restaurant and in the lounge so that I can see how you work, and after the reception on Wednesday, I’ll decide whether to keep you in my staff or not”


	15. It felt right

Andrew and Toby were seated on a bench, in the small park just beside The Halcyon.

Toby was happy because Adil hired Andrew, with the possibility to extend it over the event he will host next Wednesday. But Andrew didn’t seem as happy as he should be, he stated they should talk and he just followed him there, waiting for him to start.

Just being close to him, made him feel fine, he was sure there was nothing able to change this.

Andrew cleared his voice, he didn’t know how to say what he had to say to Mr. Hamilton in an appropriate way. But Mr. Joshi, who seemed to know him better, said he wants the truth, so he just had to start and hope Toby Hamilton wouldn’t disappear after.

“Mr. Hamilton, you’ve been so kind with me without even knowing me, and it’s only fair that you know the truth about the accident occurred yesterday”

Toby wanted to tell him to call him with his name, and that he didn’t need any kind of explanations, but this seemed to be very important for Andrew, so he decided to stay quiet and let him finish without interrupting.

“I know I’m attracted to men since I was 16, which means I’m aware of this since ten years. I tried to fight against it at first, I couldn’t add this to the list of problems already troubling my family…but I couldn’t change what I am, and since I left home and things went better both for my family and me, I lived my sexuality lighter. Until I started to work at The Madison…”

Andrew paused for a minute to take a look at Toby. He was listening attentively to him. 

“There was that man, who had flirted with me for a couple of days before inviting me to his room. I went and we had sex. I thought it was just a fling, like all the other encounters I had before but…he paid me. I was so shocked that I didn’t refuse and made the big mistake of letting him think that he could buy me every time he wanted to have some fun…and that’s what he did for the following three nights”

This time, Andrew couldn’t look into Toby’s eyes, because he was sure he would have found disdain and horror in them. 

But Toby was far from feeling this for him…of course he was disgusted, but towards the man who did this to Andrew! God, how hateful white people like him could be with people whom only fault is having a different colour of their skin? 

“I was scared he could tell something to the hotel manager to damage me if I refused, so I went with him. I heard several stories like this, always involving female staff members, and every time one of them tried to refuse, they ended fired or moved to do something else…I couldn’t lose this job, so I accepted. It happened other three times, the last one was with the man who made me this”

He pointed at the band on his cut, a bitter smirk on his face.

Toby was silent, but inside he was screaming all his anger for the way Andrew had been treated. And that increased his desire to take care of him, so that no one could hurt and humiliate him again.

Andrew was surprised by Toby’s silence, he didn’t know if it was a good or a bad sign.

“You have nothing to say?” 

“I apologise, on behalf of those supposed Ssuperior men who thought they could treat you like an object to buy and use. I’m mortified you had to suffer something like this from people like me, there are no excuses for such a behaviour, maybe just the fact that they’re not able to accept what they are, and they pour out their frustration on people who can’t defend themselves”

Andrew was speechless…Toby Hamilton was taking his side against his peers? He really wasn’t thinking anything bad of him? 

“Are you serious?”

“I’m white and I come from a rich, aristocratic family in London, I have many flaws and I made some mistakes in my life, but I could never do this to you”

Of course he couldn’t, Toby was like an angel to Andrew’s eyes, sent down on earth to save him. He was a gift, a blessing, and even he was convinced he didn’t deserve him, the words his mother always told him when he was a child came to his mind: everyone deserves a chance to be happy in his life, it’s up to you to be able to catch your opportunity when it comes.

Toby Hamilton could be his opportunity. 

Against every logic, when Toby wiped away a tear with his thumb, and rested his hand gently on his face, Andrew thought that a white rich man and a poor black waiter can be happy together.

A small smile appeared on his face, and Toby could smile too. He slowly pulled Andrew closer and kissed him. He didn’t care that they were in a public place, that they met just 24 hours ago, that they were basically strangers.

That kiss felt right, Andrew’s head placed above his shoulder felt right, holding him tight felt right.

It was a sensation Toby knew well, because he felt it every time he was with Adil. But it was somehow different now.

To Andrew, it was completely new, he would have never dared to imagine to find someone able to make him feel like this. It was crazy, it certainly would be difficult, but Toby Hamilton’s arms were the place where he felt safe, and cherished. The place where he belonged.


	16. Thanksgiving

Toby was celebrating his first “Thanksgiving”, and he had so many thinks to be thankful for…

It was a sunny, yet cold day in New York, and when he took a look at the table, his heart got filled with so much happiness like he’d never felt before. 

If lady Priscilla was here, she surely would have had something to say against the people Toby was going to share his meal with, and probably that was one of the reason he loved his new strange “family” so much: because love was what kept them together, not just the blood bond. Something he’d never had the chance to experiment in his native family.

Stephen and Adil were hosting the lunch in their flat. The more Toby got to know Stephen, the more he liked him. There was no doubt that Adil and him were meant to be together, even a blind man could see the love surrounding them, in every look, in every word, in every touch.  
Adil seemed to be more beautiful every day, and it for sure had to do with his life with Stephen.

There was Ms. Anna, the Graham’s governess since Stephen was a child, who was living in a smaller flat just two floors below them, and her two nephews. She was taking care of them, with a great help from Stephen and Adil, since her sister passed away a couple of years before.

Nicholas was 20, he’s studying to become a lawyer. He’s extremely clever, serious and reliable. He shares Stephen’s passion for the New York Yankees and for walking in the nature, and Adil’s passion for music.

Caroline, his sister, would turn 18 next year. She’s a very talented dancer, and her main objective is to become an “étoile”. But since she knows it may remain just a dream, she already has a plan B: becoming a journalist. That’s why she always hangs off Joe O’Hara’s words.

Joe was a regular guest of dinners and lunches, it was an effective member of the “family”, alone or with the girlfriend of the moment.

Andrew’s mother, Meredith Sheldon, was the most incredible woman Toby had ever met. It took him a day to love her like she was his real mother.   
God knew if she could cook well…Toby had always been more a drinker than an eater, but with Meredith Sheldon’s cooking, he discovered the pleasure of food, and both his body and his health have benefit of this.  
She was a rock, never losing her smile, never losing her faith, always finding the right words to say in every circumstance. Not only she accepted Andrew for what he was, but she’s always supported him and has welcome Toby in his life like he was someone special. 

Toby couldn’t stop wondering if things could have been different if his mother was like Meredith… 

Last but not least, Ashley, Andrew’s younger sister. She was 24, teacher in her family’s neighbourhood and both Andrew and Meredith told she had the voice of an angel. Toby was curious to hear she singing, in the gospel choir of the Sheldon’s church, in the afternoon.

For the first time in ages, when Meredith said the prayer before starting lunch, Toby closed his eyes and prayed too. It wasn’t a real prayer, more a thanks to whoever was above him, to have given him another chance to be happy, for having met those wonderful people, for having found love.

After lunch, they all went to hear Ashley singing. She was magical, and there was nothing strange when Toby realized that every young man in the church was looking entranced to her.

It had been a very special day, but now Toby was in a hurry to reach Andrew’s.

When Andrew opened the door, he found some bags on the floor that he was sure weren’t there when they left in the morning.

He turned to Toby who was smiling brightly. He managed to make a copy of the keys, so that a delivery man could bring his bags here when the flat was empty.

“Do you have to tell me something, Mr. Hamilton?”

It was true that Toby had spent almost every night at his place, during the last month, but they never talked about him moving there…

“Well, Joe has found his own flat, and living in an hotel was becoming quite expensive, so…I thought I could stay here. It’s convenient to reach the University, it’s big enough for two, and I’ll have the possibility to kiss you goodnight and good morning every day…”

“And what makes you think I’m going to say yes?”

Andrew was teasing, but happiness was pouring out all over him. 

“Probably the fact that last night, when you thought I was sleeping, you said that you love me…”

“You weren’t sleeping?”

Toby shook his head, he got closer to Andrew and intertwined their hands.

“I love you too. You’ve brought me such a happiness, right when I thought I would never find it. There’s nothing I want more than spend every day of my life with you”

Andrew succeeded in not crying, even if this was almost too much for him to take…he felt so lucky, ever since the day Toby appeared in his life to help him.

He kissed Toby with everything he had inside, to show him how much he meant to him. Toby smiled during the kiss. Finally, he’d found his place in the world.


	17. I'm going to miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end of the story...only the epilogue is left, but I'll post it after the weekend...  
> I've accelerated because I wasn't sure to have time to write next week.
> 
> I'm going to miss this new Hamilton-Joshi-Graham-Sheldon family!!!

Dreamland Mansion – July 4th 1952

The night was clear and warm, perfect for their usual dinner on the terrace, before reaching the pier to look at the fireworks on Sag Harbour for the Independence Day.

During the last seven years, the “family” grew bigger, with new members joining it.

Ms. Anna had finally accepted Mr. Ortega’s courting. He’d been Mr. Graham’s gardener for years, a discrete and peaceful Mexican man who was now nearing his 70s. When Nic and Carrie left Anna’s flat to follow their lives, she felt lonely, but Meredith encouraged her to give a chance to Pablo, and finally live her life for herself and not for the others. So, at the age of 67, she finally got married and became Mrs. Ortega.

Nicholas became actually a lawyer, and after a few years in some big law firms, he recently passed a competitive exam to work in the new United Nation headquarter in New York. 

Caroline was a journalist and a photographer, and with the help of Joe, she regularly worked for the most important newspapers of the country, travelling a lot and living her carefree life. She hadn’t the slightest intention to settle down, but she wouldn’t miss the family meetings for anything in the world.

Joe seemed to have found a woman able to resist by his side for more than a month, and ever since he turned 50, he seemed to be wiser.

Ashley got married with a medical doctor four years before, and they got blessed by a couple of wonderful children two years later. The twins, Michael and Lucy, were the mascot of the group, they brought fresh new air in their lives and for sure made Meredith a proud and busy grandmother.

As soon as the fireworks ended, Ashley and Robert got inside with Meredith and the kids to go to sleep, Mr. and Mrs. Ortega too reached the dependence, while Joe, Catherine, Caroline and Nicholas went in the city to kill the night.

Only Stephen, Adil, Toby and Andrew were still standing in the garden.

“Can I talk to Toby for a moment?”

The question was both for Stephen and Andrew, who nodded.

When they were alone, they stood in silence, watching the moonlight dancing above the water of the sea.

“I’m going to miss you”

Toby wasn’t surprised, he knew they would have to face the issue sooner or later.

“I’ll miss you too, I’ll miss every member of my crazy, colourful family. But you and Andrew were right, it’s time for me to come home. I want my family to meet him, to see how happy I am, I want to hug Emma and Freddie and meet my nephews”

“Uncle Toby, that sounds like a lot of fun!” Adil chuckled, to release some tension.

“I’m a stranger to them…I only hope my family could accept me”

“You think they won’t?”

“I’m not afraid for Emma and Freddie, but my mother is a completely different thing”

One of the reasons that made Toby postpone his trip back to London, was the possible reaction of Lady Priscilla. He was coming home with a black companion, instead of a wife, she would get mad!

“Well, there’s no doubt that Lady Priscilla is a hard one, but she’ll end loving Andrew, as soon as she’ll realise how happy he makes you”

“I hope so…anyway, it isn’t written in the stones that we should stay there. If things are too awkward with my family, we’ll come back. We’re not going to move to London permanently”

“That’s for sure, you can’t disappear from our lives from one day to the other!”

“Don’t worry, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily”

They laughed, then a peaceful silence fell between them. In the last seven years, they got closer than ever before, they were more than just friends, they were a family. They helped each other in the bad moments, and laughed together in the good ones.

And now Toby was leaving…Adil knew it would happen, he’d been the first one to encourage Toby to visit his family and tell them the truth about him. He did it with his own, with Stephen, and when he came back to New York, he felt lighter and happy to have shared this part of his life with them.

Andrew too was pressing for this, and when he’d been given the opportunity of a job in London, Toby had no excuses to refuse. Preparing for their trip, he realised he actually needed this, to meet his family and show that he wasn’t the Toby they used to know.

He was a respected Math Professor at NYC University, he had a partner to share his life with, who loved him deeply, he had a family full of wonderful people.

If Emma, Freddie and his mother wouldn’t accept him as he was, than he would have stayed in London just for the time necessary for Andrew to finish his job and he would come back in New York, with no regrets.

He hoped things would go differently.

“Thank you, Adil”

“For what?”

“For having kissed me in the wine cellar twelve years ago, at first”

“Oh my…I spent the rest of the day thinking to have done the biggest mistake of my life…”

“You didn’t. It made me realise what was that fire that I felt burning inside of me that I tried to suppress for years”

“I know it hadn’t been easy for you…I’m proud to have been the one who helped you through this”

“You taught me so many things, Adil. You made me a better man. And if you didn’t leave back then, my life would have probably be so full of joy and love now”

“I’m honoured but I’m not the one who brought you here after the war. You should thank Joe too”

“And I did it, so many times…but if I didn’t met you again, I’m pretty sure the ghost of what could have happened “if” would have haunted my dreams forever”

“Toby…I don’t know what to say”

The hug, and some tears fell from their eyes.

None of them could say that things would have been different: if Adil hadn’t kiss Toby, if he didn’t steal the documents, if Toby didn’t find out, if Adil didn’t leave…

They were living their dreams, they were happy, loved, professionally satisfied. 

They couldn’t ask for something more, and nothing, not even an ocean, could change the bond they built throughout those past years.


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GET THE TISSUES READY!!!!!!!
> 
> inner_tempest, this one is for you :-)

London – June 1967

Emma had really outdone herself with the preparation of the Hamilton twins 50th birthday. A big party was scheduled for that night at The Halcyon, and all the family members were ready to greet the guests.

Emma and Freddie were perfect, as usual. 

William, the future Lord Hamilton, wasn’t used to wear a smoking, he couldn’t hide his discomfort for being at the centre of the attention…he was the copycat of his uncle Toby, unless for the fact that he decided to study literature and not mathematics.

Margaret had inherited both her parents’ beauty, mixed with some vanity and coquetry that certainly came from Lady Priscilla. 

As to Lady Hamilton, she proudly looked at her sons, who became two wonderful men. She couldn’t say it was on her, she knew she hadn’t been a referring model as a mother, but she’d tried to fix it during the last years, and with her nephews. 

Toby took a look at the clock, most of the guests had arrived, even Ashley, Robert and the twins managed to come to London to celebrate uncle Toby.

But the most important one, for him, wasn’t there yet. He decided to wait for him in a very special place.

He opened the door, and waited for the familiar feeling to appear…the old lounge has remained the same as it was when Toby left after the war. It was closed to the public, the Hamiltons used it just for family meetings.

It had been Emma’s idea, to keep it as it was in the forties, as an homage to the one who died there in December 1940.

Toby was happy she did it, he loved this place.

A hand squeezed his shoulder. He didn’t need to turn to know who it was. He placed his own one above it.

“I can still feel Sonny playing the piano, Betsey singing, the sound of the dancing shoes on the floor and the clinking glasses…it’s unbelievable how this place can always bring me back in the past”

“Yes…this is where it all begun”

Toby turned, and standing in front of him, Adil was smiling.

They hug.

“You came” Toby was still holding Adil tight.

“Of course, you came for my 50th birthday, I couldn’t miss yours”

Sure, he was there for Adil, but it was a completely different situation…Stephen had discovered he had a cancer, and he asked Toby to come back to New York to stay close to Adil: he knew this was a lot to handle, and even if he faced his illness with an incredible strength, Stephen knew Adil would need a shoulder to cry on later. Adil got 50 one week before Stephen died. 

Andrew and Toby stayed with him for a couple of months, then Andrew had to come back to London and Toby stayed a little more. He wanted to be absolutely sure Adil was fine, before leaving him again.

He couldn’t imagine that things would overturn within less than a year…Andrew was coordinating the works on a new building he projected, when a part of a wall collapsed, and when he saw it was crashing down a workman, he didn’t hesitate to throw himself on him to save him…

The wall crashed down on Andrew, and the whole world crashed down on Toby. 

Freddie was seriously worried he couldn’t survive such a big heartache. Thank God Adil was there, and stayed until Toby looked strong enough to go back to University to teach. He cried the last cry when Meredith passed away, unable to get over her beloved son’s death.

From that day on, he continued living his life mechanically, his heart completely empty, except for the love for his nephews.

“Emma put a lot of efforts in the party, you’ll see”

“I have no doubts about it. And how’s everyone?”

They were interrupted by Margaret who called them to join the party, that was actually unforgettable.

The following days, Toby and Adil spent a lot of time together, in a comfortable routine of walking in the parks and visiting museums and exhibitions.

They were seated in a secluded corner of Regents Park, Adil’s favourite one in London, enjoying the peace, the smell of the flowers, the birds singing.

“I have to come back to New York…but I don’t feel like living you right now”

Adil broke the silence, and Toby saw the shadow of a new loneliness approaching him at his words.

“Don’t go then” 

Adil turned to look at him “Toby…you know I can’t. I have The Halcyon, the Graham Foundation, there are people who count on me, I can’t stay away for too long”

“What if I come back with you?”

The idea of going back to New York was growing stronger in his mind for a while now. Since he lost Andrew, he felt London wasn’t his place anymore. It would be easy to get his old place at NYCU, and he could find a publishing house for his books also in New York.

“Are you serious?”

Toby nodded “I have no reasons to stay here…I may bring Will with me, I guess an experience abroad can help him to go out of his shell”

“He’s exactly like you were at his age, you know?”

“I know, that’s why I want to give him this opportunity. Going to New York has changed my life for better, maybe it will happen for him too”

“New York has changed everything for both of us…we’ve lived our American Dream”

“And it had been wonderful”

Adil nodded, then he turned to the roses bushes and his look got lost in the memories of the past. “Toby, you know there will always be a place for you in my home”

“And in your life?”

Adil didn’t turn to him, he closed his eyes for a second. Toby waited…since he wasn’t answering, he felt the need to make things clear, so that Adil could have no doubts about Toby’s intentions.

“I don’t want to spend the rest of life alone, I’m not able to do it…but after 22 years living with Andrew, I can’t think of finding someone else either. The only person I feel right for me, is you…”

This time, Adil turned and looked deeply into Toby’s eyes. He was serious, he was actually asking him to be together again, after 27 years.

“Do you think this could work, after everything we’ve been through?”

“You said you would have loved me forever, if it’s true, than I can’t see why this cant’ work”

“It’s true, and you know it. It’s just so strange…and unexpected”

“Let’s make a deal. We can try until the end of the year and if we’re not good at living together, then we’ll keep it like we did for the past 20 years”

Adil was going to burst out laughing…six months? He shook his head and smiled.

“Oh Toby, you always make things too complicated! I don’t need six month to know if it will work…”

“Then what?”

Adil leaned closer and placed his lips on Toby’s.

That was enough: they were brought back in 1940. Two young men, behind a locked hotel room door, exploring and living a love that would have changed their lives forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The American Dream" is over.
> 
> It has been an intense, emotional and interesting experience...but I definitely need a break now!
> 
> A huge THANK YOU for everyone who spent time to read and comment the story.
> 
> I hope it will deliver some messages I really care about:
> 
> \- life is full of opportunities, if you live just in the memories of the past, or with "what if" you're going to miss them  
> \- catch your chance when it comes, even if it seems like the craziest thing to do  
> \- love is the most important thing in everyone's life, no matter its shape, colour or age  
> \- love is what makes a family, not just the blood bond
> 
> See you soon, have a nice holiday (if you're planning to have one) or just enjoy the rest of your summer!  
> Bye Bye

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my new multi-chapter story that would (hopefully) be completed before I'll go on holiday at the beginning of August.  
> I'm already prepared for negative comments, but I hope the happy ending will make all Toby&Adil's fans not to hate me too much...
> 
> P.S. I "gift" this story to SzonKlin who not only encouraged me to write it, but also edited my past stories, correcting errors in them (I'll post them in the correct version soon). Thank you SzonKlin!!


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